I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
