I puked a lego.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize