So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
