I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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