Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
