Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize