Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
