i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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