i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
