Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
