Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
