I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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