I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to cum in my sink.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
