I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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