you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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