Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please don't give away my fajitas
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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