Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
