i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
