there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
