she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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