I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
