it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
