I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
