I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
