she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
