hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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