am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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