Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
