just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
