I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
