The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
