I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
