I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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