i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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