My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
