When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
