Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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