I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
