My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
