I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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