is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
