What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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