oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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