I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its not stalking. its research.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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