Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
