When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
