i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
