Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
