if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
