i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
