Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
