he wants to bone in the snuggie
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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