she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
