I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
