Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
