I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
