can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
