At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
