one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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