Im at strip club and am horny
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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