yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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