therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
