Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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