i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Alive.
So much puke
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
