so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
