:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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