What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
