Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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